Salesman meets Movie Star or, Jude Law meets Demi Moore

Today's letter is S, so we're looking at the Salesman personality (Jude Law) matched with the Movie Star personality (Demi Moore).

The Salesman personality is male more often than female. He’s the charmer; the hippie; the adventurer, the Don Juan. As with all types, Salesman has its own inner demons. Non-commital risk-takers, they will skim over the top of life as long as possible, but they will eventually come face-to-face with something, or someone, they cannot seduce with their considerable charm. This person, thing or event will teach them some of the things they need to learn. Read more about the Salesman personality. (Jude Law)

The Movie Star personality is also male more often than female. But it also includes people who are super models, cheerleaders, sports figures of either sex, who portray society’s feminine or masculine ideal. They are loved for their image, but in their personal life, they will not be able to be intimate with another person unless they can give up their image, which they will find difficult to do. You see Movie Star themes in stories and movies that focus on how big dreams and hard work can bring stardom (Top Gun). Often, a change of image is all it takes (Working Girl; Tootsie; Mrs. Doubtfire). Often, the Movie Star personality learns that success without love is worthless (Shadowlands). The themes of these books and movies highlight the contrast between the Movie Star’s image and his or her personal reality. Sometimes, because real intimacy is hard for people, especially people with this personality type, he or she will favor nameless, faceless fandom over real love. Or, at other times, a partner likes the image better than the reality. (Conundrums!) The genres that Movie Star personality types fit into are either success stories or impostor stories. (Image overhaul saves/does not save the day.) Read more about the Movie Star personality.

What might a pairing between these types be like?

Both have star power—high energy, outgoing, assertive, optimistic, future-oriented and excellent communicators. They’re persuasive and attractive, with a youthful orientation.

Of all personality matches, this is the most vivacious, sparkling and high energy.

They would be involved in many activities and projects that propel them towards the good life as they define it. But unless they are both involved in the same activities and projects, they might not spend much time together.

Both will overrate the fun side of their relationship while overlooking the defects. Who wants to talk about money, or disciplining the kids, anyway? Better to move on to tomorrow’s plans.   

The Movie Star personality is more sensitive and appropriate in communicating with others, more aware of social conventions. Image conscious, they want to look like good people who fit in. They’re also more able to focus on goals and to achieve them, as well as to set healthy limits on everything. 

  

The Salesman personality brings fun, adventure, and unconcern about failure. The Salesman can be spontaneous when the Movie Star is stuck in trying to be the image he or she wants to project. The Salesman is also boundlessly enthusiastic.  

Though they sparkle, they are also extremely volatile as a couple. All the activity, vivaciousness can be difficult to maintain. They both feel pressured to be awesome all the time. But it’s their very lifestyle that often hurts each other without realizing it. They don’t talk about problems. Problems? What problems? They’re golden; they’ve got it all.

Instead of working things out, the Movie Star might become a workaholic focusing on achieving greater success. Family life, what there ever was of it, goes on the back burner. The Movie Star personality isn’t as confident as the Salesman, and is obsessed about achieving success.

The Salesman, more self-confident and not as concerned about image—about attaining success in career or personal life—will start thinking about moving on, where the grass is undoubtedly greener. Especially as fun and enjoyment is being sacrificed, due to the Movie Star’s focus on career.

It takes something BIG—a health or career crisis—to bring the issues between them to the surface. The crisis will come as a complete surprise to both of them. Both are impressed with themselves, and expect others to be equally impressed. Since each one likes themselves so much, it’s difficult for them to look deeply enough within to find out where they went wrong.

If the public image of either of them is questioned, she’ll simply change her image and lie about her past. He’ll switch options and rationalize why it was good to do so. Instead of being allies in personal growth, each will allow the other to do his/her own thing.

Deep emotions frighten them. She’s not used to feeling things so deeply, and he just hates to lose his options and be stuck in a single commitment to one person.

If mature, they will face their fears rather than burying them in activity, and if that happens, she’ll be as stubborn about overcoming her relationship fears as she is about overcoming problems in her work.

For him to overcome his fear of commitment, the solution is to set daily or weekly, short-term goals of doing things together. He can help to bring true pleasure into their relationship. She’s spent her life trying to look right (fit the cultural ideal of the perfect woman), and so it will be fun for her to simply do things that feel good instead. She’s always lived for other people’s approval, thus has suspended her personal feelings about how she looks and what she does, in an effort to gain that approval. His indifference to others’ approval, and insistence on fulfilling his own needs, and hers, will feel like precious freedom to her. It will keep the charm in the relationship for him, and might induce him to stay instead of stray.    

Additional Information:

What is the Enneagram, and What are Enneagram Personality Types?  

What are Instinctual Subtypes?  

Traits of the 27 Individual Subtypes  

Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches