Saturday, April 20, 2013

Responsibility meets Forges new Trails or, Tom Selleck meets Laura Linney

Today's letter is R, so we're looking at a match between the Responsibility personality type (Tom Selleck) with the Forges New Trails type (Laura Linney).

The Responsibility personality (Tom Selleck), is as often male as female, and is associated with safety, family and home life, conservative values, and appreciation of cultural traditions. Family oriented, their home shelters them from the world. Often family is all they need, but they are also loyal friends. Books that exemplify this type’s outlook and values include family life stories: Sarah: Plain and tall; Little Women; Old Yeller; Our Town; Cheaper by the Dozen; The Waltons.

Movies and books that focus on love and romance after marriage (rather than prior to marriage, which is grist for the Ambassador, Queen of Seduction and Nurturer types) fall into this type’s themes. This personality type gives love freely, giving people what they need but not what they don’t want, whereas the Ambassador, Queen of Seduction and Nurturer types often have a hidden agenda. They live their lives vicariously through their partners. Feeling unlovable, they help others in order to gain love. This is not an unconscious need for Responsibility types, as they understand that they are loved. The love they give is a gift without strings attached.

Additionally, these are the types you find in books or movies that feature loyal employees (labor dramas) or shy sidekicks; Thrillers (stories designed to invoke fear); fear comedies. Because they are more fearful than most personality types, this type of movie pokes fun at their fearfulness. Examples: The Out-of-Towners; What about Bob.) Books and movies featuring this type also include those with themes that celebrate cultural traditions, also those of ordinary people banding together to fight a common enemy. Superhero stories fit into this personality type’s fantasies. Lastly, themes for this type also fall under the umbrellas of science versus faith (this type prefers faith) and fear versus faith (this type uses their faith to overcome their fears). Read about the Responsibility personality.    

Still with me? In contrast, the Forges New Trails type isn't far different from Responsibility types. Like Responsibility types, they are as often male as female. Here you find craftspeople and pioneers, editors, “School Marms” (school teachers); Puritains and the Amish. Switzerland as a culture reflects this type. People of this personality type are careful, self-disciplined, independent. They find it hard to relax, have fun, and to express their emotions. They’re buttoned up types. Like Responsibility types, they believe in clean and sober living and conservative values. These types were and are wilderness settlers. They are thrifty, responsible, and can survive hard times and are people of true grit. 

Books and movies featuring this type include lawyer stories (To Kill a Mockingbird); Pioneer stories; stories that feature various human limitations and how to live with them; how to balance living one’s passion with carrying out one’s duty; the importance of respectability, correctness and good manners. The theme of books and movies for this type is often one that encourages them to work less and take time for their families and themselves, especially cultivating their hobbies or passions that develop their strong but neglected artistic natures. Read about the Forges New Trails (Pioneering) personality.

So if Tom Selleck were to meet Laura Linney, what might a relationship between these two personality types be like?

They are alike in many ways. They’re both hard workers, serious, dutiful, and want to make the world a better place. The Forges New Trails personality has greater mental clarity, and is more guided by thought than emotion, especially under pressure. They’re more self confident than Responsibility types, and so in this relationship—Tom and Laura—Laura is more apt to be the leader. She is more orderly and consistent, and more logical. Both are idealistic, but Laura’s idealism is more about seeing perfection versus imperfection, and Tom’s is more about hero worship.  

But Tom would bring more warmth to the mix, as well as emotional availability, generosity and playfulness. Together, they could be dynamic but stable, if they share the same fundamental beliefs and values. They can count on each other to be faithful and to build a solid foundation. They can relax around each other, which both need, as both tend to overwork.

If there were trouble in the relationship, Laura would get critical and judgmental of herself and of him. She’s often all work and no play, which tends to make her hard to be around. She’ll also begin to think he’s not working hard enough, or isn’t serious enough, or mature enough, or  careful enough. She’ll have problems with resentment, and her constant bickering will grate on him.

That will bring out his insecurities, and he’ll look to her for stability, but instead he’ll find only more rejection, which will make him even more insecure. He’ll start to fear that the relationship is doomed and indeed, it might be, especially if he becomes defensive and evasive. He might also spend more time at work to avoid spending time with her. She’ll become condescending and blaming, cold, critical until he finally blames her for all their troubles. Unless they can talk about their issues, the relationship could be doomed.

But maybe not. They bonded in the first place because of shared ideals and the willingness to work hard to achieve their dreams. Both are willing to hang in during tough times, which will increase their trust in each other. Each one sees the other’s high aspirations as well as each one’s fear of success.

Both feel guilty about not meeting others exspectations. She’ll be afraid of making a mistake, whereas he’ll doubt that success is possible. Projecting their fears on each other, they’ll be afraid to talk about it. He’s afraid of anger, and she thinks it’s wrong.

He’ll feel like what he does is never good enough for her and indeed, that’s exactly what she might be thinking. That, of course, will alienate him. If they would but talk it out before losing sight of their partner’s good intentions, they’ll be able to work things out, and will stop blaming the other for causing the problem between them.  

Additional Information:
What are Instinctual Subtypes?  
Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches 

1 comment:

  1. All I could think of when reading that post: What beautiful babies they would have! Ha. I am a fan of both of those actors, from way back.


Your comments mean a lot to me!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...