Today's letter is O, and so we're matching an Observer, Bob Dylan, with a Bon Vivant, Goldie Hawn.
The Observer (or Cultural Critic), is more often female, but in this case, I chose Bob Dylan, who seems to be of this type. Observers are discriminating evaluators of art and ideas. If reading a book or watching a movie about this personality type, it would be about the difficulties of fitting in, but eventually finding their place in society. (Ugly Betty; Dumbo; The Ugly Duckling; The Elephant Man.)
This is a
good personality type for Young Adult stories. In addition to finding their
place, the focus could be on their difficulties accepting social conventions.
Belonging vs. Not Belonging. Authenticity vs. Conformity, and is it worth being
ostracized if one doesn’t conform? For them, being authentic to who they are is
more important than belonging. Having exquisite taste, they are drawn to expressing
themselves through the arts: high fashion, visual art, music, writing, acting,
literary criticism, haute cuisine. Read more about Observer (cultural critic) personalities.
The Bon
Vivant is more often a male personality, but in this case I chose a female,
Goldie Hawn. Bon Vivants love good times, good food, good spirits, good
friends. He or she might be a Gourmand or an Interior Decorator. His lifestyle
and his family will often be unconventional. He might live in a fantasy home,
or you might find him on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Adventurous, he
enjoys travel. If in a book or movie, the genre would be adventure. Sometimes
he’s grounded, and enjoys beer more than wine, barbeque more than an elegant
French meal. Other times, less grounded, he’s more interested in haute cuisine,
and leans more toward air-headedness than having his feet on the ground. In either
case, he loves to eat. He’s the charismatic drifter, the eternal youth (Peter
Pan). If female, she’s the mother in the movie, Chocolat. Or Cher in Mermaids.
You see Bon Vivant types of either sex very often in movies. Read more about Bon Vivant personalities.
Because they are so different, even
opposites, they are often curious about each other, maybe even fascinated with
each other. So—assuming Bob Dylan and Goldie Hawn were otherwise unattached and
met and hit it off, this is what a relationship between them might be like:
He’d be
moody and pessimistic, introverted. She’d be bubbly, confident, optimistic. She
could help him overcome his social shyness. He could help her stay focused, and
to feel her negative, darker feelings (which she is terribly afraid to do).
Both can be
spontaneous and passionate, and would enjoy sharing their thoughts and
reactions toward daily events. Both enjoy travel, beautiful clothes and
furnishings, good food, good spirits. Both tend to live beyond their means in
order to enjoy the good things in life. Their sense of adventure and romance
can help keep their relationship fresh and spirited. Both can be funny,
irreverent and entertaining as well as bawdy and sophisticated.
They will
balance each other. He’ll introduce her to the deeper emotions, but when he
gets mired in them, she’ll help pull him out and restore the fun.
He
experiences life through his feelings whereas she’s mainly mental. Her
emotional unavailability works well with his longing for things that are
missing . . . such as her emotions! He longs for a better relationship even
when the one he’s got is just fine. She won’t be affected by his push/pull way
of relating. (Go away; I hate you. Come back; I love you.) He’ll respect that
in her, even if he secretly wishes she was more like him emotionally.
But because they’re so different,
unless they’re attracted in several important ways, they probably won’t get
together in the first place. For them to stay together, there needs to be a meeting of hearts, minds,
a passionate attraction to each other—or any/all three options. Especially when
conflicts arise.
Both are
impulsive and easily frustrated when their desires are thwarted, but it’s worse
for her. She cannot tolerate negative emotions, and so her brain comes up with
possibilities for escape, both mentally and physically.
Activity
will help them both, although he will resent the fact that she can’t deal with
his negative emotions—mostly sadness and depression. He’ll want to talk about
it, and she’ll think it’s a waste of time. Already unhappy, it’ll make him even
more unhappy to hold back his feelings, but it scares her to death to see them
in others, or feel them in herself. He’ll work at getting her to feel rather
than to think. She’ll tell him that she does feel, but only for the briefest of
moments. He needs to be able to convince her that it staying in her negative
feelings for a while will be worth it.
At their
worst, he’ll complain that she’s shallow. She’ll feel strangled by his
emotional needs. Only if emotions are “interesting” to her will she stay with
negative feelings. (And then you have to wonder if she’s really feeling them at
all, or dispassionately observing them.)
While he
might secretly envy her high energy, and want to keep pace with her, he might
lack the ability to do so. She might wish she possessed his musical talent or
personal flair, but she might also see him as being too sensitive, moody,
self-absorbed, weak and inadequate.
He needs to
learn to distinguish between a genuine need with a potential solution and
emotional neediness that creates problems in order to get comfort.
From her
side, she needs to be willing to talk about his needs or issues, even if she’s
feeling bored and resistant. And not to end the conversation too quickly. She
needs to be willing to process her feelings. He needs to realize that being
endlessly mired in feelings is actually an impediment to good communication.
Additional Information:
What are Instinctual Subtypes?
Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches
I love your posts for the A to Z challenge. I seriously don't think another person would have ever thought to pair Bob Dylan and Goldie Hawn. You know your subject AND you have one heck of an imagination.
ReplyDeleteMy theme for the challenge is confusing words, not nearly as imaginative.
MM
This is my first visit to your blog and I enjoyed today's offerings lots to think about.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.facebook.com/SherryGloagAuthor