Corresponds to Enneagram Style 4, Social Subtype
A Dozen Things about You
1. Social situations can provoke feelings of deficiency in you, which makes you feel envious of others’ status or membership
2. You seek to establish an acceptable social role, possibly as the emotional truth-teller of the group
3. You were or are the black sheep of your family
4. You feel shame for being a “misfit”
5. But your shame also helps you to feel a connection to others, in that they will notice your defectiveness, and because of that, you will be special in their eyes
6. Your shame also motivates you to create an elegant image, or a unique and special look, and to develop a sense of honor for what you add to the group
7. Everyone has an idealized self-image, but yours is assessed negatively. You know what you should be like, but instead of trying to live up to it, you know you’ll never be able to, and so you don’t even try.
8. Therefore you turn to your inner, imaginative life for comfort. You might fantasize how you will become a celebrity and then scorn everyone who looked down on you.
9. Fearing that people will reject you, you perform a pre-emptive strike and reject them first
10. Because you see yourself as defective, you are extremely sensitive to criticism. Low self-image is your defining quality, and so criticism merely confirms what you’ve felt all along.
11. You may resort to charm to cover your inner suffering, or you might be antisocial and depressed
12. The group rejection that you feel and resent isn’t based on any skill you feel you should cultivate. You might be enormously skillful in your chosen field. You just know that you were made wrong at the factory, and you expect people to reject you for it