Individualist meets Survivalist or, Lady Gaga meets Russell Crowe

Today's letter is I, so the Individualist (Lady Gaga) meets the Survivalist (Russell Crowe).

The Individualist personality is also known as the Gypsy, the Bohemian, or the lone artisan, is more often female than male, as with my example—Lady Gaga. Books or movies featuring this personality type will be about the disdain that can sometimes come from insisting on being fully self-expressed, no matter how outlandish. These are highly emotional, even melodramatic or tragic-romantic people. Themes include surviving, even thriving, after a soul-shattering loss. And how do you do that? By finding new reasons to be. Individualists are often deeply emotionally scarred people, earthy and tough on the outside, but tender on the inside, and often with a sense of humor that gets them through the tough times.
 
Often loners, they prefer it that way, in order to spend time on creative work. They enjoy travel—but not first class; they’d rather do it on a shoestring and find the riches that can be had for less. They’re able to find magic in the mundane. You see this type at craft fairs. They’re good listeners, and especially if the story is a harrowing one that no one else wants to hear about. Having gained wisdom from life’s trials themselves, they can offer guidance to the teller. They aren’t fancy talkers, but plainspoken. Read more about Individualists.

The Survivalist personality is more often male than female, and is also the Lawman, the Body Guard, the Father Figure, the Cowboy, the “Strong Silent type.” If female, she’s the Mama Grizzly, the Mountain Mama, the Force of Nature. Disaster and Survival stories personalize Mother Nature as this personality type. These are protector types whose courage, strength, energy and perseverance inspire others in disastrous situations. Although strong, they have tender hearts, and in order to try to protect themselves from being too vulnerable, they will often hide or deny their feelings.  

Books or movies featuring the Survivalist will be about war or action-adventure; the Mafia; Chivalry; buddy movies, and revenge stories. The Survivalist will not be defeated. Working for a noble cause enables him to connect with his feelings without becoming too self-conscious. This personality type is earthy, practical, and self-reliant. Stories featuring his personality type show him how to admit it when he needs help, and to get the help he needs. Read more about Survivalist personalities. 

   

So what happens when the Individualist meets the Survivalist? What might happen if Lady GaGa were to meet Russell Crowe? (Or if others of these types met?)

This coupling could also be known as, “Sex, Drugs and Rock’n’Roll.” (Literally or metaphorically.) It’s one of the most creative matches, and also one of the most volatile, due to the intensity of both of their personalities, their passionate natures. They’re awed by each other. Compared to her, he feels coarse and blunt. From her side, she is magnetized by his shamelessness.

Both have dominating personalities, and both are attracted to each other’s passion, their weakness, and the fact that there’s a lot more to both of them below the surface. These are not shallow people. They understand their own strengths and weaknesses, and are also able to intuit other people’s strengths and weaknesses as well. Their passionate natures often make them impulsive, even reckless. These would be the Extreme Sports types, or Extreme anything that pumps up the adrenaline. 

She will depend on his ability to protect and provide for her, and will also love his strength and charisma. He will be challenged by the hunt—she likes to play hard to get and that’s exactly the way he’d have it too, to maintain excitement in the relationship.

A sensible, average relationship isn’t for either of them, and each expects the other to match their intensity. They are always up to something, and that’s the way they like it. They’re larger than life: he with his need to dominate and control. She, with her big emotions and need for full self-expression, no matter how outlandish.    

Both want to be free to choose how they conduct their careers and private lives. If either feels the other is trying to control them, expect a knock-down, drag-out fight, besides possible sexual straying. Both are sometimes full of rage and the desire for revenge. Verbal put downs and physical violence would be expected in this, the most passionate of all pairings.

She will demand a huge range of feelings from him, and he loves to match her emotional energy. They will push the limits, ignoring social convention. When things start to cool off between them, he’ll become more demanding and she’ll be more dramatic and suffering.

He likes her personal style and she likes his blunt emotional stance, seeing it as being in touch with authentic feelings. He doesn’t care what others think about him, and she finds his lack of pretensions appealing. She might hide behind a glamorous image, but with him, what you see is what you get.

She also sees his ability to hold his ground under fire as appealing. He’s unlikely to become depressed, and can be consistent toward her when she pushes him away—and then wants him back again.

He’ll love her company when she’s upbeat, but will withdraw when she’s depressed. Instead of stewing about it, he’ll just go off and do his own thing. She’ll get mad about being ignored, which will break her depression. He is the ideal partner to bring out her anger, thus end her depression. (Assuming that depression is anger turned inward.) He hates emotional drama and will pick a fight to bring out her real feelings, which will bring the couple closer together.

If she should happen to be drawn to his punitive side, or stuck in her push-pull pattern of relating, he will blame her and walk out, without insight as to how he helped to create the problem. It would help if both could see that anger is their way of intensifying their relationship, rather than an attempt to bring it down.   

Additional Information:

What is the Enneagram, and What are Enneagram Personality Types?  

What are Instinctual Subtypes?  

Traits of the 27 Individual Subtypes  

Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches