Tuesday, April 09, 2013

Home or Castle Defender meets Drama Queen or, Ralph Fiennes meets Kate Winslet

Today's letter is H, and we're matching up the Home or Castle Defender (Ralph Fiennes) with the Drama Queen (Kate Winslet).
The Home and Castle Defender is more often male than female, as represented here by Ralph Fiennes
. He’s often a scholar, philosopher or inventor, and always reclusive. You’ll find this personality type in speculative fiction and horror. Themes include shy people becoming less shy; aliens and robots becoming humanized; brilliant minds saved by love, and inspiring teachers. These personalities are drawn to the mysterious in an effort to try to solve the mystery. They are very private, and need to be drawn out of their shells. Head or thought types (as opposed to gut or heart types), they think more than they feel, although like everyone, they do have feelings. The more feeling oriented of the type will feel the emotional pain of their isolation more keenly than others of this personality type. Consider the difference between Spock (of Star Trek) and Data: Data wishes he could feel, whereas Spock’s unconcerned about his lack of emotions. Books and movies centering on this personality type will show him developing feelings toward people and making connections with them. (Shadowlands; Turtle Diaries; Awakenings). Or the character will be non-human, seeking human connection (Bicentennial, Star Man; ET). Read about the Home or Castle Defender personality. 

The Drama Queen is more often female than male. This personality type is of the heart, or feeling triad, and makes a great dramatic actor or other type of artist. This type is often jealous, competitive, intense. A book or movie featuring this type might feature enemies who love each other or lovers who transform one another. Often, they are deeply wounded, emotionally, physically or both. It will always feature artistic pursuit of some type as the subject, and is a popular story type for young adults. Read about the Drama Queen personality.

What might a relationship between Ralph Fiennes and Kate Winslet look like? Or if not them specifically, between the personality types they exhibit?

Next to each other on the Enneagram, he's a FIVE (with a four wing) and she's a FOUR, they share many traits. Both are private, and aware of the depth and richness of life. Each gives the other space. He’ll be unconventional and curious. Both enjoy sharing their ideas and their creativity with each other. Feeling like outsiders, both might be quirky, creating an eccentric relationship.

If the Home or Castle Defender were involved with a Nurturer, who is always outgoing, even overbearing, she would draw him out of his shy shell. But the Drama Queen is often shier than he is, and so he will draw her out. She’ll be interested in learning about his “odd” thoughts and ideas, and help him connect with his feelings. It’s a great match, in that they truly find each other interesting and inspiring to each other. Each allows the other to be exactly who they are.   

If there were trouble in the relationship, it might be because of her greater need for intimacy. She can be (what he sees) as overly demanding of his time and space. She can also seem too needy to him, draining him of time and energy. With her emotional volatility, she might even seem, at times, unstable to him. For her part, she’ll be disappointed that he can’t give her the time and attention that she craves, and may provoke him until he reacts. She needs to realize that when it comes to emotions, he’s a minimalist, and he needs to accept her expressiveness.

It will help if they can agree on a certain level of contact. He’ll need to learn to stay out of his head and inside his feelings (at least for a while), and she’ll need to learn to hold back her feelings. As the most emotionally contracted and the most emotionally dramatic of types, they have things they can teach each other. If they learn to meet in the middle, that could save their relationship. 

Additional Information:
What are Instinctual Subtypes?  
Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches 


  1. Relationships are always going to need constant communication to make them work. The pairing is going to be stressful unless they take the time to see things from the other person's perspective.

  2. This is a fascinating look at personality types! Great post!

  3. What a fun theme and a fascinating post!


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