Thursday, April 04, 2013

Drama Queen Meets Zealot or, Nicolas Cage meets Dr. Laura

Today's letter is D, and we're looking at a pairing between a Drama Queen personality (Nic Cage) and a Zealot (Dr. Laura).
The Drama Queen
is more often female than male, but in this case, I thought it would be delightful to use Nic Cage as my example of a Drama Queen (which he is, in real life).

The first time I saw him in a movie, he portrayed a Drama Queen in Moonstruck (one of my all-time favorite movies!) against Cher, who was playing opposite her true personality type. (Normally a Bon Vivant, she was playing a Zealot--which is what her type reverts to under stress.) I’m a Zealot type (or its related types: Forges New Trails and Crusader), and this pairing  positively cracks me up!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hearing the following lines, I laughed out loud:

Ronny Cammareri: I love you.
Loretta Castorini: [slaps him twice] Snap out of it! (Exactly what I would've said to the drowning in emotion Ronny Cammaretti)

Drama Queens are often dramatic actors, misunderstood artists or jealous competitors. They are artistic, high strung and competitive. Books or movies focusing on this personality type’s issues will always concern artistic pursuit of some type. The genre will be love and loss. The theme is often that personal growth is possible when love (often forbidden love) heals deep inner wounds. It’s a Beauty and the Beast story, or a Beloved Enemy story. Read more about Drama Queen personalities. 

Zealot types are as often male as female, and are often missionaries or evangelists; protesters and reformers, are convinced that what they believe about an issue is the only correct way to look at it. They feel they have the authority of tradition or scripture backing them. They’re courageous and determined to bring people around to their views. The fiery passion that simmers just below the surface in their personalities is often channeled into politics, religion, or other worthy cause. If this type were in a movie, the purpose would be to get them to let their hair down, focus their passion in a different direction, by breaking rules and having fun. Katharine Hepburn films (The African Queen) often use this theme, as well as The Sound of Music; My Fair Lady, and the King and I. The Zealot gets in touch with their feelings and with their playful side, enjoying their sensuality instead of disapproving of it. Read more about Zealot personalities.
What might a pairing of Dr. Laura and Nicolas Cage look like? 
Both are idealistic, want to express themselves, and want to do it according to their definition of perfection. Working together, she could help him with his creative efforts. More objective than he is, she would see the value of them being in a relationship before he does. If they shared a vision for what they wanted out of their relationship, she would be willing to subordinate her needs for the good of the relationship. She’d be a good listener, offering encouragement when he lacks confidence. Her self-discipline and work ethic would help him see the benefits of being more disciplined, if he hopes to accomplish his dreams and goals.
With greater access to right-brained thinking, he would bring creativity, passion, sensuality, and spontaneity into the relationship, balancing her need for order and rationality. He would encourage her to explore her feelings, rather than keeping them tightly bound.
Both have refined tastes and an interest in the arts. If they recognize what each has to offer the other, in terms of balancing each other’s limitations, and strengthening each other’s weaker traits, their relationship would endure.
But this is also a relationship that would have difficulty ever getting together in the first place. They’re like oil and water; they look at things from opposite lenses. She values looking at things objectively; he looks at things subjectively. Both are idealistic, but her idealism is in morality, politics, social causes, global and environmental issues. His idealism is toward his own personal life—toward his spouse, practicing his art, and his lifestyle. Both can feel superior and snobby toward others, especially those not as refined in their breeding or tastes.
Both are highly aware of their sensuality and longings, but she’ll try to hide her awareness, whereas he’ll act out “improper” emotions that frighten her, for this is her own shadow side in action. He dramatizes the emotional needs she’s suppressed. She’ll find him too self-indulgent. He’ll find her too restrained. If they could get together, it would introduce her to a life of feelings rather than a life determined by right or wrong thinking, which she is otherwise locked into. His over-the-top emotionality (in her view) might begin to grate on her. She’ll want him to discipline himself and get to work. Her rigidity (in his view) can make him angry, critical, intolerant, and self-righteous. He’ll accuse her of being unfeeling and cold.
But he could also be attracted to her emotional steadiness and practicality. When he realizes the depth of his commitment to her, and fearing abandonment, he’ll push her away with a fight, or become immobilized by depression. This feels “wrong” to her, and when she feels unfairly treated, she’ll hold her ground, becoming actively angry, and she’s not apt to forgive and forget, but simmer with resentment. He’ll respect her for not giving into his attempts to sabotage the relationship. He’ll take it as proof that she won’t abandon him. She’s someone who won’t be bullied by his push-pull tactics, thus can be trusted.
If he could understand why she’s driven to control “bad” emotions, and if she could see the usefulness of deep emotional connection, and that rules can’t govern matters of the heart, there is continued hope for them.
The disadvantage of this pairing is a shared dissatisfaction with life. He feels something’s missing, whereas she sees all of life’s imperfections. But if they focus on the good things in the present moment and take pleasure in it, that would heal this problem.
For a good example of a Drama Queen/Zealot pairing, watch Moonstruck

Additional Information:
What are Instinctual Subtypes?  
Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches 

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