Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Collector meets King (Queen) or, Kevin Costner meets Grace Slick

Today's letter is C, and we're looking at the Collector personality type (Kevin Costner) matched with the King (or if female, Queen!) (Grace Slick of Jefferson Airplane fame) personality type.

The Collector personality type is a Salt of the Earth type, and is as often male as female. He or she might be a farm hand but not a farm owner. You would find Collector personalities in books or movies that are termed “heartwarming” or “inspirational” or “slice-of-life.” In these stories, a passive person discovers what he or she wants from life (Accidental Tourist, Shipping News). These personality types show us the richness of ordinary life (It’s a Wonderful Life). This personality type is also common in Coming of Age stories (The Blue Lagoon; the Yearling; Fly Away Home; Where the Red Fern Grows). Themes involve healing and wholeness, and morality tales about the price of passivity. 
The Collector personality is stubborn and doesn’t like change. If opposed, they will dig in their heels and defeat their opponent by sheer mulishness. They can lose themselves in projects. As children, they were cooperative but could also be stubborn. In addition to the previously mentioned story themes or genres, you would find Collector types in fantasy, magical realism, fairytales.

Of all personality types, they need to “wake up” out of a fantasy world and into their own lives. It’s their tendency to stay simple like children, so as not to grapple with ambiguity and stress—becoming unaware of their limitations, and what they are missing. It’s their destiny to wake up, feel the pain of limitation, and to go after what they want in life. It’s too easy for them to get stuck in comfortable routines, to their detriment. But often, life itself requires them to wake up to the full responsibilities of adult reality. Read more about the Collector personality. 

As for the King personality, this is more often, but not always, a masculine personality type. They are often a patriarch, a CEO, an officer in the military. She’s a leader who can change the world. Read more about the King-like (or in this case, Queen-like) personality.

What might a pairing between (Collector) Kevin Costner and (king/Queen) Grace Slick look like? 

It would be like mixing fire (Grace) and water (Kevin), or (when under stress) an unstoppable force (Grace) meeting an immovable object (Kevin).

He would bring calmness and stability into the relationship, which her more confrontational personality needs. He could help her choose her battles and to decide to back down when the outcome doesn’t matter. Both are strong willed, lovers of comfort and simplicity, and want to create a stable home. A pairing between a Collector and a Queen can be both powerful and friendly at the same time.

A typical collector (although not, probably, Kevin Costner) tends to live vicariously through his or her mate, and King/Queen personalities enjoy people who are impressed by their Take No Prisoners attitude. Collectors admire the King/Queen’s courage to take on challenges. Kings/Queens will help Collectors to be more self-confident and self-assertive.

Should there be serious issues in their relationship, the King/Queen personality will become more confrontational as the Collector increasingly checks out, shuts down. If things go from bad to worse, the King/Queen personality, though they will not back down (irresistable force) will lose interest in Collector, who now seems like nothing more than an insurmountable obstacle (immoveable object) to their goals.

Rather than being overtly combative, the Collector bests his enemies with passive aggression. The King/Queen will feel she’s being undermined, and indeed, she is. The Collector will begin to see the King/Queen as too boss-like, controlling, and selfish. Collectors may think they want the King/Queen to be in control . . . yet when they do take control, the Collector is apt to rebel by digging in his heels. The King/Queen, who’d thought the Collector was completely controllable, suddenly sees the depth of the Collector’s power, which he gets in touch with through sheer stubbornness. The Collector will feel that the King/Queen, in order to maintain in control, is too aggressive and potentially violent.

In a relationship of two people with colossal power (but expressed in opposite ways), both need to learn how to give. When she learns to defer to him, there’s growth. When he learns that showing his rage can have positive effect on her, there’s growth. The worst thing for this relationship is falling into a pattern of her attempting to always be in control, and his continual attempts to resist being controlled. 

Additional Information:
What are Instinctual Subtypes?  
Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches 


  1. These comparisons are very interesting. I like thinking about people I know who are the different "types".

  2. Hmmm...I think one of the characters in my novel is a "Collector".... Thank you for doing this, Cathy!


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