Joins, aka "Seeks to Merge"
Corresponds to Enneagram Style 9,
A Dozen Things about You
1. You are tender and sweet, kind, gentle and unassertive
2. Because you cannot find a “you” within yourself, you seek comfort through a special other; you want to merge so completely with the other that you become the other. Of all enneagram types and subtypes, you are most seeking of a soulmate
3. You forget your own agenda by absorbing your special other into yourself—(his or) her point of view, agenda, feelings.
4. Your union with your partner (or with nature or the divine), makes you feel safe and whole.
5. You feel that you gain belonging, importance and love through merging with a partner, nature or the divine
6. At your worst, if you have lost “you” in the other, you can become quite passive-aggressive, resulting in both not merging and not being present to self.
7. You have trouble with personal boundaries, with where you end and the other begins.
8. You “live through” your partner, friend, child, which presents a real danger that you will never know who you are, and what you want, because you "go along to get along."
9. When not in a relationship, your energy is devoted to finding one. Lacking inner direction, and the hidden belief that you don’t count, you idealize your partner
10. Having thoroughly identified yourself with your partner, you are jealous of any other relationships that he or she might have.
11. Because you allow your partner to make and enforce the unspoken rules of the relationship, you might stay too long in an unhealthy relationship.
12. Then, instead of insisting on what you need from your partner, you simply drift into another person’s life, hoping they will bring you to life instead.