Takes Charge meets Espionage or, Michael Douglas meets Madeline Stowe

Today's letter is T, and we're matching the Takes Charge personality (Michael Douglas) with the Espionage personality, actress Madeline Stowe.

Both the Takes Charge personality (Michael Douglas) and the Espionage personality (actress Madeline Stowe) are more often male than female.

The  Takes Charge personality is often portrayed  in books and movies as Knights, Gods or Goddesses, Lawmen, Champions, Samurai, or gunslingers or pirates. Seeing life as a war between weak and strong, they’re the avengers of wrongs done to themselves, their loved ones or friends. They protect the weak, although they might secretly hope someone had their back.  

   

When the story involves romance, the Takes Charge personality needs to learn how to show his needs and weaknesses. Movie examples: (The King & I; Gone With the Wind). Charismatic, he has big appetites and a fiery temperament. Read more about the Takes Charge personality.

  

About the Espionage personality: in movies and books, he’s often a wizard, alchemist, mad scientist, spy or investigator. They’re secretive loners with a unique view of life. He might also be a brilliant thinker redeemed by love. The genres will include horror, spy, thrillers, mysteries, noir and dark fantasy. Read more about the Espionage (secretive) personality.

As to how Michael Douglas might relate to Madeline Stowe (or two people of these personality types), this is a common personality pairing.

A mental type, she needs more body awareness, as well as interest in ordinary life, such as being married and owning a house, and he’s just the man. She also needs to be more engaged with daily life, and to own her own power. Again, he’s just the man to show her how and why these things are important, and that she doesn’t have to live without them (though she feels self-sufficient by doing so). He takes pride in his conquests and making a mark on his environment is a primary goal for him.

Conversely, he needs to be more aware of how he impacts his environment, and she’s just the woman. He needs to learn how to be more mindful of the consequences of his actions, and her analytical skills will help him learn how. In other words, he needs to learn how to think before he acts, because impulsive actions often have unintended consequences.

Both are independent and territorial. Both enjoy debate, and admire someone who will stand up for themselves intellectually and in his case, physically. Both feel like misfits, and understand each other on an unspoken level. When they discover that they can trust each other, they’re able to show their vulnerabilities and needs. Both can be stoical.   

Coupled, they are thoughtful and powerful, brilliant and brash, forming a coalition of power and brains. They protect and advise each other.

But if there were to be issues in the relationship, they react in totally opposite ways, which makes things even more difficult for them. Already an intensely private person, she would become even more isolated and secretive, whereas he would be more confrontational, which in turn would drive her more deeply into herself.

Finding him destructive and seemingly out of control, she would lose her respect for him. If he’s particularly mentally unhealthy, she will need to physically leave him in order to feel safe. If sufficiently provoked, she will attack his key vulnerability (the fear of being weak), and he will attack hers (the fear of being incompetent).

Both feel rejected easily. If she leaves, he’ll feel abandoned or betrayed, and may retaliate by seeking revenge in some way. If he’s the one to leave, she’s likely to sink into a deep depression. Both are cynical by nature, and the end of their relationship will confirm their cynicisms about marriage.    

But if they can work things out (and this is a common pairing), they will begin to resemble each other. She’ll be more assertive and he’ll be tame. She was always more outspoken in the security of her own home. She will be able to experience emotional energy, and though she hates fighting, it will be beneficial to her. Anger will push her to experience her feelings in the moment. If not sufficiently angered, she’s more apt to detach—to her detriment. If in a secure relationship, she’ll be able to stay and be with it.

From his side, he’ll learn to wait. He dislikes having to hold back his emotions, but he’ll learn how to do it. Their emotional currents can be compared to the tide: he’ll press for contact with oceanic force that is pulled back by her undertow of withdrawal. But feeling safe with each other, he’ll open her feelings, and she will disarm his need to show strength always. She’ll provide a safe place for him to look within, feel his vulnerability for a change, instead of picking a fight.

Both like to be independent. Neither is apt to become enmeshed with the others’ agenda. They can speak honestly and bluntly to each other. But they may also be unable to compromise, and feel little guilt about their effect on each other. She sometimes thinks that emotional pain comes from poor self-control, which allows her to escape responsibility for others’ feelings. If he’s in pain, he may seek to even the score. He has a need to be the one in control at all times.

When they first meet, they’ll have great respect for their uninterrupted times alone. On the high side, they get independence and a companion nearby. On the low side, they’re too apt to withhold affection from each other, especially when angry.

When she withdraws in anger, she’s pouting and disapproving of him. In revenge, he’ll do the same, thus a silent battle ensues. On the high side, it’s ultimately a good match. She needs to experience his assertive behavior as a solution to her own inability to be competent in the world outside her home and work environments. Learning to speak spontaneously can also be healing to her.

From his side, he can trust her emotional control. Their opposing strengths and weaknesses will rub off on each other, making each one a better person.  

Additional Information:

What is the Enneagram, and What are Enneagram Personality Types?  

What are Instinctual Subtypes?  

Traits of the 27 Individual Subtypes  

Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches