Movie Star meets Lecturer or, Marilyn Monroe meets Albert Einstein

Today's letter is M, and we're looking at a relationship between a Movie Star personality (Marilyn Monroe) and a Lecturer (Albert Einstein). 

Yesterday, we combined a Nurturer with a Lecturer . . . Keeping the Lecturer constant, but changing the female personality (Nurturer to Movie Star) results in a very different relationship, and if you were watching a movie or reading a book with the two different sets of pairings, the situations, genres, and themes would be very different indeed. 

The Movie Star is more often male than female, but includes people who are super models, cheerleaders, sports figures of either sex, who portray society’s feminine or masculine ideal. They are loved for their image, but in their personal life, they will not be able to be intimate with another person unless they can give up the image, which they will find difficult to do. You see Movie Star themes in stories and movies that focus on how big dreams and hard work can bring stardom (Top Gun). Often, a change of image is all it takes (Working Girl; Tootsie; Mrs. Doubtfire). Or the Movie Star personality learns that success without love is worthless (Shadowlands). The themes of these books and movies highlight the contrast between the Movie Star’s image and his or her personal reality. Sometimes, because real intimacy is hard, especially for people with this personality type, he or she will favor nameless, faceless fandom over real love. Or at other times, a partner likes the image better than the reality. (Conundrums!) Read more about the Movie Star personality.

The Lecturer is more often male than female, and is also a professor, an expert, a Tribal Healer. He will often have unusual insights. Books and movies featuring this personality type include disaster and survival stories; detective/mystery stories; science fiction and horror stories. Read more about the Lecturer personality.

What might a relationship between a Movie Star and a Lecturer look like? The pairing is actually a common one, with the Lecturer more often being the male. 

The Lecturer gives the Movie Star depth while sparking her creativity. She gives him confidence, and an awareness of the importance of effective communication. She’ll use her charm to sell his ideas and projects. Understanding the world better than the Lecturer, the Movie Star can help the Lecturer achieve his goals. Understanding things at a deeper level, and often with types of expertise that the Movie Star wouldn’t have, the Lecturer can help her with the details and help her to accomplish her goals as well. In addition, he’s more objective, less attached to outcomes, and so he can help reframe the sting of apparent failure, and help to keep her focused on achieving her goals.

Given the right combination of Movie Star and Lecturer, this could be a highly competent, successful, and respected couple. The Movie Star would be a trophy wife for the Lecturer, who doesn’t care much about his own appearance. The Lecturer, on the other hand, can be a trophy husband for the Movie Star, who relies on him for his expertise and his willingness to teach her in her areas of weak competence. Each enhances the other’s self-esteem and social standing. This couple feels passion, affection, and pride toward the other. 

Both focus on their work, and are preoccupied with being competent and effective in their own professions, but are also very supportive of each other’s work. This is how they show their love for each other, rather than through verbalizing their feelings—they both have deep feelings, of course, but they’d rather show their love through their support of each other’s work. It’s just easier for them to do their jobs than to express deep, sincere intimacy. 

Both need a lot of personal space and freedom, and recognizing that, they give it to each other.

Lecturers are more practical than Movie Stars, which is sometimes a source of conflict between them. Lecturers are sometimes too withdrawn, another possible source of conflict. But the more outgoing Movie Star will move toward the Lecturer, giving time and energy to the relationship, besides taking care of the business of living: planning meals, trips, and so on.  

Being in any kind of relationship is difficult for Lecturer types (as well as Espionage types and Home/Castle types). They need intimates to respect their boundaries. They define intimacy as sharing information about themselves, and physically being there for the other. They need privacy, whereas the Movie Star needs social outlets.

Sometimes, the Lecturer might complain about the Movie Star’s frequent absences from home, and may attempt to limit the Movie Star’s outside activities. Resenting this, the Movie Star might further increase her time away, while the Lecturer further withholds himself. Neither is particularly conversant in the language of feelings and both have intimacy issues. The Lecturer fears that the Movie Star will become too needy, and tax his limited resources for dealing with others’ needs. Both express their love by doing things for the other. The Movie Star works tirelessly; the Lecturer gives up his private time. The Lecturer needs to learn how to enjoy social life. The Movie Star needs to learn how to enjoy silence.    

If their relationship were to become troubled, it would be because of their individual focus on their work. Much of each one’s self-esteem comes from their work and how it’s received by others. If working together on a project, the Movie Star, eager to complete it, will grow impatient with the Lecturer, who can’t seem to stop tinkering with it. The Lecturer might lose respect for the Movie Star, who shows no remorse about possibly misrepresenting the project in order to make a sale.  

As said before, neither likes to talk about their deep feelings, and so it’s often too late when they finally do air their grievances toward each other. Instead of voicing loving concerns, they’re sarcastic and hostile, icy and distant. The Lecturer will be blunt and argumentative. The Movie Star will come back with zingers and other put-downs, although pretending not to be angry. Both get arrogant and impatient, and eventually, they no longer remember what they once loved about the other.

To her, the Lecturer, once an interesting curiosity to the Movie Star, becomes just plain weird. To him, the Movie Star, once so sparkling to the Lecturer, becomes shallow and dishonest. If they are able to salvage the relationship, it will depend on how much they need each other, as well as the importance of other shared values. If they no longer need each other to succeed, and they share few deeply held values, it’s likely that the relationship will end. They won’t be able to overcome their deep cynicism toward the relationship’s value to them.

Additional Information:

What is the Enneagram, and What are Enneagram Personality Types?  

What are Instinctual Subtypes?  

Traits of the 27 Individual Subtypes  

Sources from which I collected and synthesized information about the matches